Rotten Apples

i wish i were out of the doors,

half savage and hardy and free;

laughing at the injuries,

not maddening under them.

scared of the demons without,

and never find them hovering within.

never feeling like a shadow

even when i was halfway home...

i wish i were a girl again

and not this wanton woman of the world...

i wish chocolates were all;

and there was no room for

cigarettes or weed or rum.

wish that nights were for sleeping

and not catering to some twisted thoughts

spinning around in this wasted head.

wish that Alice was in Wonderland...

and not in some Mills 'n' Boons...

wish that the heart could stop finding

new and gory reasons for breaking apart...

why does my blood rush into tumults

at a few spoken, unspoken words?

why do i run 'round the globe

finding places to find some peace?

why am i so changed?

why am i not that girl anymore,

who loved the sun and colors?

why do dark and pain appeal?

WHY this wanton woman of the world?