the night

d darkness of deep night
d unquiet quiet of too much:
of having seen too much,
suffered too much,
known too much.
d quiet not of sleep,
but of a brief death:
when pain is too great
n u can't do away.
when u have to die a little
in order to be able to go on...

this fall had dragged
many things down to ruin:
my sleep,
my happiness,
my ostensibly carefree spirit.
time gets divided
into before and after
light becomes different
shrouded in intermittent darkness.
daytime darkness,
night- time darkness,
spring- time darkness.
n, out of the darkness,
a certainty:
grief is the swamp
i am condemned to
wander through.
the tiniest things
are the greatest mystery of all.
protected by invisibility,
a tyranny befalls.
a secret world explodes
the thoughts lie dozing
in what's limited,
in what's circumscribed.
when i may understand all this,
i may understand that
small things have to be taken care of

i spend every night
lying immobile on the floor
of my room
staring at an obtuse,
cement sky, incapable of
providing any clarification.
after the attack,
i'm feeling emptied out.
v r living in two
different worlds.
good sense prevails in urs
while mine is a universe
of threats and darkness
occasionally pierced by lightening.
the relation b/w us
is unambiguous.
i can feel u,
but u do not perceive me.
everyone's horizon is different
all that remains of desires,
is a sad rut in the ground.
u r not ballast,
not an alleyway.
ur more like my mirror,
capable of giving back a reflection
n introducing
me to myself... a part
i didn't know yet.

my room is invaded
by the cold light of full moon.
the creepers throw their
sinister shadows on me.
y must there be a
shadow in darkness?
what is the point of it,
if not to evoke the
existence of everything
that can't be seized n held?
ur that shadow
in my life.
i see u forming
in my core
n the more i try to
belong to u,
the more u
go away...

i'd inadvertently
brushed against the fire,
n it followed me
everywhere, wherever i was,
love was in my heart,
n pain,
n d desire to escape the flames,
which were always
burning behind me,
always bigger
n more destructive.

aggressive termites
scurry around inside my skull.
they turn off the lights
n everything
slips into darkness.
n then out of darkness,
n into calm, at last,
calm regained.
weeks of tranquility.
it was comforting
to sleep,
n get up
without the fear
of exploding.
but, like all
beautiful things,
it would not last....