POWDER- ROOM

i'm unmasked in- here;

a place that nobody can reach.

there ain't no tunnel to a gateway of light,

no sound, no yell, no screech.

there ain't no graveyards barren,

with yawning graves of the dead.

i'm unmasked in- here;

just a powder-room in my head.

there ain't no feeling in- here.

its a coarse emptiness that deafens.

there are no tears, no sadness,

no laughter or joy or even a din.

there ain't no morrow after a night.

no new thorns upon my bed.

there ain't no feeling in here;

just a powder- room in my head.

i'm naked and shriveled.

weathered by the winds of time.

i'm broken and a sinner.

i'm petty, with nothing of mine.

there ain't no new facades for me.

some deserted thoughts, instead.

there ain't no element, ain't no fire.

just a powder- room in my head...

JOKER

"yes, I'm ready."

its no use, they won't see.

I've painted over my pain again..

today it's worse than yesterday

and tomorrow won't be good either.

but, they won't see..and why should they?!

I'm a Joker.

just another juggler.

another comic gimmick.

a break from their own pains-

their little worlds of misery.

I fall, they laugh.

I run, they hoot.

I juggle, they expect-

another mistake,

another failure,

a chance to disagree

that, right now,

I am their personal God!

how can I show them

that I'm just as frail?

I'm just as frightened.

I'm just another person

running away from my own demons..

I cannot let them see

that I'm just as broken.

I cannot let any identification seep in...

for,

I am the JOKER...

Rotten Apples

i wish i were out of the doors,

half savage and hardy and free;

laughing at the injuries,

not maddening under them.

scared of the demons without,

and never find them hovering within.

never feeling like a shadow

even when i was halfway home...

i wish i were a girl again

and not this wanton woman of the world...

i wish chocolates were all;

and there was no room for

cigarettes or weed or rum.

wish that nights were for sleeping

and not catering to some twisted thoughts

spinning around in this wasted head.

wish that Alice was in Wonderland...

and not in some Mills 'n' Boons...

wish that the heart could stop finding

new and gory reasons for breaking apart...

why does my blood rush into tumults

at a few spoken, unspoken words?

why do i run 'round the globe

finding places to find some peace?

why am i so changed?

why am i not that girl anymore,

who loved the sun and colors?

why do dark and pain appeal?

WHY this wanton woman of the world?

invisible tangents

i close my eyes to sleep

and i wake up in you...

who are you, i cannot know

yet you seem the one

who comprehends in himself

my feelings to myself...

like an existence of mine

beyond myself.

everyone on the face of earth

might melt into nothing

before i could consent

to forsake him...

if all else perished and HE remained,

i can still continue to be;

and if all else remained, and he annihilates,

the universe would turn to a stranger;

i cannot be a part of it..

in time, i may find ways to cope up

with his absence and this void.

mayhap i might love another

but my love for any other

would be like the foliage in the woods:

time would have the power to change it,

as winter changes the trees.

my love for him resembles the eternal rocks:

a source of little delight, but necessary.

he's always, always on my mind,

not as a pleasure of a rose,

but as my whole being.

now he's gone and i'm haunted

there's no moon, no stars in sky

and everything around lay in misty darkness:

not a light gleams from anywhere...

abandamned!

today is exactly the day

i don't want to live;

to be able to close my eyes

and dream the silhouettes.

to dream you, my angel of devastation,

perched upon your shrewd ways.

your sensuous aroma

still fills my lungs.

it scratches on the insides of them

and leaves them limp.

your aura of darkness,

so widespread and pulling.

it sucks me in the void-

the void that is You!

your deep eyes smolder me

i search endlessly in them-

the reason for all hopes

that you give me so casually.

your parted lips, inviting.

your glistening canines in them.

you purr your voice, enchanting.

and enchanted, i do come.

i come to the surface.

unable to die;

in your peaceful, eternal arms.

unable to scream;

even when i'm buckled under.

the surface is a labyrinth.

a maze that i'm lost in.

a maze full of your abandoned possessions...

just like ME...

loose ends

And I see that

i'm reduced to be the one of only Silent Poems;

Who made me what I am?

Is it me? or You through me?

And I can't even blame You,

For I know that You did it, only so long

till You were aware of

what I'll b reduced to,

what I'm today.

The only victory I had, have

and will continue to have is

losing to this forsaken Love.

is it even worth to be thoughtless in thinking of you?

the possibilities exceed infinity.

i became an instrument of your rhythm

and you, the chalice of my forlorn harmony.

yet i sit on this merciless night

begging your eyes to take in

the sheen of my lonely lustre

begging your treacherous desires

to reckon my cancerous lust.

yet, i know the futileness of my attempts...

the moon wouldn't know

what hides in the heart of an ocean...

yet the harbinger touches me

and i elope with your chants

into the abyss of nihilism.....

THE PANTOMIME

in the hour of endless darkness,

he emerged from the haze.

with that ivory face of the moon

and his eyes ablaze...

paranoia made-up for his shoes,

in the schizophrenic cloak,

he made his ambivalent moves.

there was silence, loud...

loud and deafening.

he began to act.

he began demeaning.

scathed and battered,

the demons hovering.

the pantomime's scared!

but the fear would be redeeming.

he craved for his heart

and let it bleed in his hands.

the burial would be gory.

this much he could stand.

on his grave, he wailed...

he wailed like a lark.

tears stung my eyes

but the pantomime laughed!

from music to utter agony,

his act went on.

from churches to graveyards

and berated echelons.

he came to a standstill,

the time evaporated.

in the sure abyss of hypnotism,

i stood helplessly sedated.

his touch bore into me.

his gaze burnt my skin.

words overflowed from his eyes...

yes, the phantom would sin.

my cringe- instinctual.

his hold only tight.

'No!', he begged with his desires.

'No, you shouldn't fight'.

suspended in nothingness,

he sure walked like a gazelle.

crimson lips so undaunted,

weaving an impenetrable spell.

with the cold breath of a dead,

the words formed a mist

he only lowered into my ear

and the pantomime hissed...

in the only words he spoke, he told,

"your secrets aren't unknown".

in the breathless next moment,

he was perched on a tree.

the tangents returned to life

but the soul was no more free...