ache

the weeks turn into seasons and days precede nights
i lay awake like dumped on my bed, holding my pillow tight
the ceiling above me is like the screen over which i project
my broken dreams, my unrealized fantasies, some more thoughts of my head
i turn sides in my rugs, restlessness driving away my sweet sleep
the tick-tock of the clock, minutes running- by in consequent beeps!
there breaks the dawn, the rays filling the sky seem like a dent!
this yet another dark night is over, but my fears do not end...
but what am i so scared of? there's no reason i can see.
i stand before the mirror, that reflection is the cause...I fear me!!
i glance at the bandaged wrist, the remenant of a failed suicide
wasn't it better if i'd have been undone, it was better to have died!
with fazed mind, i kept sitting in the corner all day long
fagging the killer lights, humming a favourite song
too much to do, yet it seems the end of the road.
chores to do, life to live...even happiness seems like a workload
gargling tears, blabbering unheard words on deaf ears!
the distance b/w intimacy and me is some many light years!!
so much gone by, blurred in the cacophonies of my mind
crumpled debris lay everywhere on the place i left behind!
agonies of loss, visions of self- destruction hamper me no more
maybe i've come to be immune, or maybe i've hardened like never before!
disturbed, i drag my feet again to my bed, beset with unseen thorns
distant voices trouble me, i want silence, there blow car horns!
troubled, agitated, what have i become? nobody sees
i need a cure for this cancerous disease...
i see just one solution, my perverse mind has made it a creed...
i unwind the bandage, renew my wound and let it bleed...