a word...

this dingy room, right now,
is clustered with cobwebs from my pasts.
i feel like taking a broom and clean-up.
but i can't.
i just cannot.
happiness is totally spaced out.
i wanna scream!
i wanna scream at all those people
who are aliens to my memory-land now.
this won't hurt.
it shouldn't!

its him... again!
what am i really wanting?
he's so hurting me right now.
i wanna run away from him.
but i'm not sure if i can.
my masochistic tendencies take over.
he was so ethereal.
now he's just another boy-
a regular boy
with dreams of an extraordinary world!
is it possible,
to want and hate someone
at the same time?
why am i even thinking about him?

"LOVE"!!!
oh! right.
what a word!
but just a word.