Rotten Apples

i wish i were out of the doors,

half savage and hardy and free;

laughing at the injuries,

not maddening under them.

scared of the demons without,

and never find them hovering within.

never feeling like a shadow

even when i was halfway home...

i wish i were a girl again

and not this wanton woman of the world...

i wish chocolates were all;

and there was no room for

cigarettes or weed or rum.

wish that nights were for sleeping

and not catering to some twisted thoughts

spinning around in this wasted head.

wish that Alice was in Wonderland...

and not in some Mills 'n' Boons...

wish that the heart could stop finding

new and gory reasons for breaking apart...

why does my blood rush into tumults

at a few spoken, unspoken words?

why do i run 'round the globe

finding places to find some peace?

why am i so changed?

why am i not that girl anymore,

who loved the sun and colors?

why do dark and pain appeal?

WHY this wanton woman of the world?

invisible tangents

i close my eyes to sleep

and i wake up in you...

who are you, i cannot know

yet you seem the one

who comprehends in himself

my feelings to myself...

like an existence of mine

beyond myself.

everyone on the face of earth

might melt into nothing

before i could consent

to forsake him...

if all else perished and HE remained,

i can still continue to be;

and if all else remained, and he annihilates,

the universe would turn to a stranger;

i cannot be a part of it..

in time, i may find ways to cope up

with his absence and this void.

mayhap i might love another

but my love for any other

would be like the foliage in the woods:

time would have the power to change it,

as winter changes the trees.

my love for him resembles the eternal rocks:

a source of little delight, but necessary.

he's always, always on my mind,

not as a pleasure of a rose,

but as my whole being.

now he's gone and i'm haunted

there's no moon, no stars in sky

and everything around lay in misty darkness:

not a light gleams from anywhere...

abandamned!

today is exactly the day

i don't want to live;

to be able to close my eyes

and dream the silhouettes.

to dream you, my angel of devastation,

perched upon your shrewd ways.

your sensuous aroma

still fills my lungs.

it scratches on the insides of them

and leaves them limp.

your aura of darkness,

so widespread and pulling.

it sucks me in the void-

the void that is You!

your deep eyes smolder me

i search endlessly in them-

the reason for all hopes

that you give me so casually.

your parted lips, inviting.

your glistening canines in them.

you purr your voice, enchanting.

and enchanted, i do come.

i come to the surface.

unable to die;

in your peaceful, eternal arms.

unable to scream;

even when i'm buckled under.

the surface is a labyrinth.

a maze that i'm lost in.

a maze full of your abandoned possessions...

just like ME...