pseudo

walking tirelessly on the grown weeds of past memories
the moonlight shines through these vast, hurting Prairies
sharp, blade-like edges of these cruel plants hurt me
over and over... still not over with these aspects of me
bluddy daddies of my shame mock at my disdain
sometimes, i think, to live is akin to be in pain!
y things go downhill or words go sour!?!
someone's "beautiful sacrifice" is all my words and more!!
i think i shall better check into a rehab for once
coz afterall i can't go through life with a smirk and a wince!
no morals left in me, no grounds to stand firm on
i lost them all and found refuge in blunders, bang-on!
did i ever find solace and contentment? who knows!?!
maybe i was open to people when i was away from my own echoes!
one tormented wench...what a pity it should be!
yet i cannot even pity myself for what has become of me!
useless quarrels over frail emotions said and felt
someone shall tie me on an electric chair with a belt!
uneccessary cringing inside, yet melancholy i don't feel!
i put salt over some wounds i gave time to heal!
lost words errupting from immaterial agony inside...
abandoned on pathways of disgrace with matters i cannot decide.
clinging to unstable thoughts, i'm just another depressing bitch!
insulting, abusive, brutal to myself, its me whom i ditch!
hell knows what i do in vain, sanity doesn't like me anymore!!
masochistically inhuman, i'm turning into a pseudo goth for sure!!

sleep

i wish i could wink a sleep

this night just makes me a creep!

no dreams await me for their embrace..

and i lapse deeper into my disgrace!!

remenants of the day haunt me within

tomorrow's ghosts prickle my skin!!

over my head the innumerable stars,

mocking, it seems, all descendents of Czars!!

the creatures of night seem to be friends

scrapping decayed remains to meet heir ends.

angels no more bestow me with their mercy

weren't they taught compassion in their nursery!?!

that Big Game Master sitting up above,

making all moves to devoid me of love!

piling over me reasons to be guilty in heaps..

now, under this turmoil, which sane mind sleeps!?!

oh! "sane" did i just say!?!

when did sanity touch me anyway!?!

and i left my mind behind a long leap...

still, why the hell can't i sleep??

is it bcoz this night is one great seductress??

soothing my pains, my agony, my distress!!

romancing with me, though in vengeance...

and i die in full sunlight in repentance!!

strange why those dreams are gory?

what they are, is another story!!

visions beyond everything i can decipher

troubling me like a crypted cipher!!

it pains me to even close my eyes and take a nap

closing my eyelids is their license to snap!!

it kinda hurts to see the depth of my own perverse thinking revive

whenever i shut my eyes to dream...its better to be sleep deprived!!

there are fantasies and visions i see with open eyes

u might call it building castles in superior skies!

but they are all to me...welcome to my Cinderella Land!

u might call me a Dreamer...obsessed narcissist of illusionary stands!!

but that's me...yea, its kind of stupid though!

coz dreamers generally don't go with the flow...

happy with my pens, papers, fags n beers in heaps...

scribbling wastes that are something to me!!

hating myself for how jilted i've become...

still loving myself for acting like a scum!

people call that attitude, so attitude let it be!!

what am i really?

i'll try to find that in my dreams when i'd sleep!!!

Black

over and over...pondering again...

closed my eyes...then opened them again...

the shimmering stars like scattered grains of sand

what makes them beautiful!?! maybe the distance? i don't understand!!

or do u? do u know y they're like diamonds fallen from a sack!?!

don't go into the tangents...coz this effect is just coz of the Black!!

that small ball giving light, bringing a day...

sun? is it "sun" did u just say?

maybe for u, but for me, it just ends the night

starts another day replete with a tired plight...

looking at it, when i close my eyes, it gets Black!!

opening my eyes again...the light comes back...

too much of Black, Black, Black... have i gone insane!?!

maybe. yes, i have...coz i've just broken my window pane!!

why is there anger? where is my sense of creed?

i think i have lost them all on the last turn of greed!!!

"that justifies my attraction to Black" they say!!

mundane maniacs engrossed in their own melancholic frays

judging me according to their "rational human minds" stuffed with grass

yeah! maybe they've got all rights to satisfy their displeasured arse!!

savage animals worse than the four-paws

"Black" is just a color...no allegorical clause!!

when "Red" is for love, inspite of a stain

when "Blue" is cool, even though its for vain

when "Purple" is royal, though now it shouldn't be!!

then y is "Black" just so familiar with pain and agony!?!

from Black we all begin...

and into Black we all go...

still useless allegories which superstitions don't let to forgo!

still scared of it, still its bad...

y am I advocating!?!? even I don't know!!!